he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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