omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
