today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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