I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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