is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
