If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I understand Curling. That high.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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