Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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