My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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