i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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