On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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