i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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