I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
