It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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