i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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