i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
