took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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