Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
