I am in a vortex of obligation.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
