All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just tell him i said nine months
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
