I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
