my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
