I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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