WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
