Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
