I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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