Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think i got beer on your cat.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
