so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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