Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He felt like a one man threesome
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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