She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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