Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You have to summon your inner elephant
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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