god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
