Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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