Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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