I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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