He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
