I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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