Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
