Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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