look no pants
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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