just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
