She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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