Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
