Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
