I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
