I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
