so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
