He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
