drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
