don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
