i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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