She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Pants are for mortals
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
