we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
