I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
