It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
