His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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