You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
this boner is exhausting
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
