remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
