yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
