You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
