hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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