why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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