i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im six kinds of drunk right now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
