Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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