p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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