THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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