So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
