that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
