Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
