I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
