Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
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You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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